www.v--o--g--u--e.tumblr.com
www.v--o--g--u--e.tumblr.com
www.v--o--g--u--e.tumblr.com
www.v--o--g--u--e.tumblr.com
it's a fashion blog, street styles, ect!
COME AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT BBYS
Friday, December 16, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
hi again!
HEY! udah lama banget gue ga ngepost di blog ini, sekitar 5 bulanan. kemaren tuh gue dapet tugas bahasa indonesia disuruh bikin blog, tp ga personal, kyk per group gitu. eh taunya keinget posting di blog ini.
ohiya, gue udah bukan anak smp lagi, I'M ON HIGH SCHOOL now. feel blessed. harusnya sikap gue juga berubah dong ya. i'm not that zahwa yang manja lagi, yang sensitive. i promise i'll be a better girl kok:$$ anyway, gue di post ini cuman mau greeting sama ngasitau kalo gue bakal aktif nge blog lagi. posting anything. jadi i'm back. enjoy my posts.
XOXO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
Saturday, May 21, 2011
hm.
hi.
i'm not feeling so well tonight.
i don't know why.
all i wanna do is just keep blogging or posting something. i don't care if it was important or not. well this is my blog so i'm free with it.
i just made something, a new blog &stuff, which is tumblr.
yea. i'm new with it &i have no idea what to do with that stuff. silly me.
so what should i do now?
i felt so lonely. where's my boy? he's fucking gone. he don't care about me anyway so why should i care for him?
hm. it's all gonna start with why oh why.
why do i have to love him so much even he doesn't even love me?
why do i have to care about him even he doesn't even care?
why do i have to listen to all his sorries even he never listen to mine?
why do i have to miss him even he never miss me?
or
why do i have to say 'i love you' but actually i'm not.
why do i have to say 'i care' but actually i'm never
why do i have to say 'i am sorry' but actually i don't want to.
why do i have to say 'i miss you' but actually i don't.
honesly, i'm confused. with his feeling off course. i don't know if he really love me or faking loving me. well who knows?
but this is seriously killing me.
just tell me, or leave me. now. before it's too late.
i'm begging.
please.
i'm not feeling so well tonight.
i don't know why.
all i wanna do is just keep blogging or posting something. i don't care if it was important or not. well this is my blog so i'm free with it.
i just made something, a new blog &stuff, which is tumblr.
yea. i'm new with it &i have no idea what to do with that stuff. silly me.
so what should i do now?
i felt so lonely. where's my boy? he's fucking gone. he don't care about me anyway so why should i care for him?
hm. it's all gonna start with why oh why.
why do i have to love him so much even he doesn't even love me?
why do i have to care about him even he doesn't even care?
why do i have to listen to all his sorries even he never listen to mine?
why do i have to miss him even he never miss me?
or
why do i have to say 'i love you' but actually i'm not.
why do i have to say 'i care' but actually i'm never
why do i have to say 'i am sorry' but actually i don't want to.
why do i have to say 'i miss you' but actually i don't.
honesly, i'm confused. with his feeling off course. i don't know if he really love me or faking loving me. well who knows?
but this is seriously killing me.
just tell me, or leave me. now. before it's too late.
i'm begging.
please.
Friday, May 6, 2011
the talk;)
Boy: I need someone to talk to.
Girl: I’m always here for you.
Boy: I know.
Girl: What’s wrong?
Boy: I like her so much.
Girl: Talk to her.
Boy: I don’t know. She won’t ever like me.
Girl: Don’t say that…you’re amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won’t like me.
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell her…
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say?
Girl: Tell her how much you like her.
Boy: I tell her daily.
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I’m always with her…I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem…but he’ll never like me.
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh, some boy.
Boy: Oh, she won’t like me either.
Girl: She does.
Boy: How do you know?
Girl: Because who wouldn’t like you?
Boy: You.
Girl: You’re wrong. I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.
Girl: I’m always here for you.
Boy: I know.
Girl: What’s wrong?
Boy: I like her so much.
Girl: Talk to her.
Boy: I don’t know. She won’t ever like me.
Girl: Don’t say that…you’re amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won’t like me.
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell her…
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say?
Girl: Tell her how much you like her.
Boy: I tell her daily.
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I’m always with her…I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem…but he’ll never like me.
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh, some boy.
Boy: Oh, she won’t like me either.
Girl: She does.
Boy: How do you know?
Girl: Because who wouldn’t like you?
Boy: You.
Girl: You’re wrong. I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.
pssst
Girl; Do i ever cross ur mind?
Boy; no
Girl; do you like me?
Boy; no
Girl; do you cry if i left?
Boy; no
Girl; do you live for me?
Boy; no
Girl; would you live for me?
Boy; no
Girl; would you do anything for me?
Boy; no
Girl; choose me or your life?
Boy; my life
the girl run away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and say
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why i don't like you is because i love you.
The reason why i don't want you is because i need you.
The reason why i wouldn't life for you is because i would die for you.
The reason why i'm not willing to do anything for you is because i would do everything for you.
The reason i choose my life is because you ARE my life..
XO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
Boy; no
Girl; do you like me?
Boy; no
Girl; do you cry if i left?
Boy; no
Girl; do you live for me?
Boy; no
Girl; would you live for me?
Boy; no
Girl; would you do anything for me?
Boy; no
Girl; choose me or your life?
Boy; my life
the girl run away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and say
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why i don't like you is because i love you.
The reason why i don't want you is because i need you.
The reason why i wouldn't life for you is because i would die for you.
The reason why i'm not willing to do anything for you is because i would do everything for you.
The reason i choose my life is because you ARE my life..
XO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
I LOVE MY MOM ♥
When you were inside your mom’s tummy,
your mom suffered the pain that you gave to her,
and you thanked her by kicking her all day long.
When you were 1 year old,
your mom celebrated the first birthday of you,
you thanked her by crying all day long.
When you were 2 years old,
your mom started teaching you how to talk,
you thanked her by saying ummmumumumumamamama.
When you were 3 years old,
your mom brought you to the park,
you thanked her by running around the pond, and chasing the ducks.
When you were 4 years old,
your mom bought you some toys,
you thanked her by breaking the toys on the next day.
When you were 5 years old,
your mom bought you a story book and read it to you,
you thanked her by ripping it piece to piece.
When you were 6 years old,
your mom sent you to the kindergarten, so that you can start making friends,
but you thanked her by fighting with your classmate.
When you were 7 years old,
your mom made you a very nice lunch for the first day of school,
you thanked her by throwing your foods around the class.
When you were 8 years old,
your mom handed you an ice cream,
you thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old,
she paid for piano lessons,
you thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old,
she drove you all day,
from soccer to football to one birthday party after another,
you thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old,
she took you and your friends to the movies,
you thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old,
she warned you not to watch certain TV shows,
you thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13 years old,
she suggested a haircut that was becoming,
you thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14,
she paid for a month away at summer camp,
you thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15,
she came home from work, looking for a hug,
you thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16,
she taught you how to drive her car,
you thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17,
she was expecting an important call,
you thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18,
she cried at your high school graduation,
you thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19,
she paid for your college tuition,
drove you to campus carried your bags. You
thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25,
she helped to pay for your
wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply
she loved you. You thanked her by moving
halfway across the country.
When you were 50,
she fell ill and
needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about
the burden parents become to their
children.
And then, one day, she quietly died.
And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on
YOUR HEART..
your mom suffered the pain that you gave to her,
and you thanked her by kicking her all day long.
When you were 1 year old,
your mom celebrated the first birthday of you,
you thanked her by crying all day long.
When you were 2 years old,
your mom started teaching you how to talk,
you thanked her by saying ummmumumumumamamama.
When you were 3 years old,
your mom brought you to the park,
you thanked her by running around the pond, and chasing the ducks.
When you were 4 years old,
your mom bought you some toys,
you thanked her by breaking the toys on the next day.
When you were 5 years old,
your mom bought you a story book and read it to you,
you thanked her by ripping it piece to piece.
When you were 6 years old,
your mom sent you to the kindergarten, so that you can start making friends,
but you thanked her by fighting with your classmate.
When you were 7 years old,
your mom made you a very nice lunch for the first day of school,
you thanked her by throwing your foods around the class.
When you were 8 years old,
your mom handed you an ice cream,
you thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old,
she paid for piano lessons,
you thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old,
she drove you all day,
from soccer to football to one birthday party after another,
you thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old,
she took you and your friends to the movies,
you thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old,
she warned you not to watch certain TV shows,
you thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13 years old,
she suggested a haircut that was becoming,
you thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14,
she paid for a month away at summer camp,
you thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15,
she came home from work, looking for a hug,
you thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16,
she taught you how to drive her car,
you thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17,
she was expecting an important call,
you thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18,
she cried at your high school graduation,
you thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19,
she paid for your college tuition,
drove you to campus carried your bags. You
thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25,
she helped to pay for your
wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply
she loved you. You thanked her by moving
halfway across the country.
When you were 50,
she fell ill and
needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about
the burden parents become to their
children.
And then, one day, she quietly died.
And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on
YOUR HEART..
differences between friends &best friends
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
- FRIENDS:
- BEST FRIENDS:
8 reasons why i'm single
1. because every good looking guy is a jerk.
2. every nice guy isn't good loking
3. every nice &good looking guy is taken
4. every nice, good looking, single guy is broke
5. every nice, good looking, single, rich guys is cheater
6. every nice, good looking, single, rich, non-cheater is gay
7. every nice, good looking, single, rich, non-cheater &straight guy doesn't have interest in us
8. uhmmmm, you.
2. every nice guy isn't good loking
3. every nice &good looking guy is taken
4. every nice, good looking, single guy is broke
5. every nice, good looking, single, rich guys is cheater
6. every nice, good looking, single, rich, non-cheater is gay
7. every nice, good looking, single, rich, non-cheater &straight guy doesn't have interest in us
8. uhmmmm, you.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
to day
to?day. oh yea. today. how can i describe this? A-L-O-T-O-F-F-U-N maybe? oh yes. i had a lot of fun today.
started at my house at 9 o'clock in the morning. my maid wake me up &reminds me that i have to go to Raseesha's house. oh yes. she really know me well. (dia bahkan tau kalo gue orgnya pelupa bgt, jd perlu dingettin) &than i had a breakfast, &told my aunt to drive me to her house.
i was actually just sayin' that i'm going to seesha's house. just go there. &don't go anywhere. you know what i mean?
i lied.
alright, it just my bad habit. i don't care anyway.
arrived at seesha's house
she opened the door, waved at me &say "hi zahwa" "seesha ada temenyaaaa"
i immediately put my shoes off, come in &say "hi tanteee;)"
seesha dateng, we're leaving. taugaaaakk? kita jalan dari rumah seesha ke DEPAN. lotau jam 11 in the morning sekarang panasnya kyk apa? like hell. ohmylord i wish i could have an umbrellas at that time.
whataday.
and than kita nyampe disana. nyalon, pulang.
secara kita ga modal, yaudah kita pulang naik taksi. -_-
&than kita nyampe kerumah gue, nyampe kamar. ngambil buku pelajaran, kesekolah. nyampe sekolah rame bgt ternyata lagi ada acara gidduu.
ke ruang library, mr nya gaada.we're stressed out! gamungkin kan kita balik lagi padahal udah panas panasan? gosh.
yaudah kita ke atas, ke lantai 2. ketemu mr siapa lupa gue yg jelas ngajar physic. (oh sir, i'm sorry i forget your name, but i wont foget you) -_- kata mr, mr galiat mr library.
yaudah kita ke bawah (again) ke bawah berharap ada org di front office. ternyata ada. yaudah gue bikin note. abs itu pulang.
we're save.
&than. kita ke tujuan utama kita, makin' videos! actually what we're gonna make is a parody. tp secara susah bgt, yaa we're gave up.
yaudah, kita cover song, it is price tagg<3 we love this song so much. psssttt don't forget to watchh! (SZproduction1) --> ke youtube, search nama itu. gampangkan?
alright back, and than we're edit that video which is really easy:$ and than upload that to youtube. (it take a very long time to just upload that one) makanya gue gatau masih nge-upload apa udah selese.
and than, we're play play and play, and finally kita buat music video! HAHA
dan gue yakin belom selese. sebenernya pengen nyelesein cuman ya gimana, udh malem, &gue udah dijemput.
dear parents,
you're ruined my time. again. sincerely,
me.
dijemput? pulang. now i'm home.
tired.bye
XOXO,
Zahwa Samora Putri
started at my house at 9 o'clock in the morning. my maid wake me up &reminds me that i have to go to Raseesha's house. oh yes. she really know me well. (dia bahkan tau kalo gue orgnya pelupa bgt, jd perlu dingettin) &than i had a breakfast, &told my aunt to drive me to her house.
i was actually just sayin' that i'm going to seesha's house. just go there. &don't go anywhere. you know what i mean?
i lied.
alright, it just my bad habit. i don't care anyway.
arrived at seesha's house
she opened the door, waved at me &say "hi zahwa" "seesha ada temenyaaaa"
i immediately put my shoes off, come in &say "hi tanteee;)"
seesha dateng, we're leaving. taugaaaakk? kita jalan dari rumah seesha ke DEPAN. lotau jam 11 in the morning sekarang panasnya kyk apa? like hell. ohmylord i wish i could have an umbrellas at that time.
whataday.
and than kita nyampe disana. nyalon, pulang.
secara kita ga modal, yaudah kita pulang naik taksi. -_-
&than kita nyampe kerumah gue, nyampe kamar. ngambil buku pelajaran, kesekolah. nyampe sekolah rame bgt ternyata lagi ada acara gidduu.
ke ruang library, mr nya gaada.we're stressed out! gamungkin kan kita balik lagi padahal udah panas panasan? gosh.
yaudah kita ke atas, ke lantai 2. ketemu mr siapa lupa gue yg jelas ngajar physic. (oh sir, i'm sorry i forget your name, but i wont foget you) -_- kata mr, mr galiat mr library.
yaudah kita ke bawah (again) ke bawah berharap ada org di front office. ternyata ada. yaudah gue bikin note. abs itu pulang.
we're save.
&than. kita ke tujuan utama kita, makin' videos! actually what we're gonna make is a parody. tp secara susah bgt, yaa we're gave up.
yaudah, kita cover song, it is price tagg<3 we love this song so much. psssttt don't forget to watchh! (SZproduction1) --> ke youtube, search nama itu. gampangkan?
alright back, and than we're edit that video which is really easy:$ and than upload that to youtube. (it take a very long time to just upload that one) makanya gue gatau masih nge-upload apa udah selese.
and than, we're play play and play, and finally kita buat music video! HAHA
dan gue yakin belom selese. sebenernya pengen nyelesein cuman ya gimana, udh malem, &gue udah dijemput.
dear parents,
you're ruined my time. again. sincerely,
me.
dijemput? pulang. now i'm home.
tired.bye
XOXO,
Zahwa Samora Putri
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
randomness
kalo ditanya "lagi apa lo?" sekarang gue bakal bilang, perfect! i don't know what make it perfect.
sekarang? tiduran di sofa kamar nyokap, makan cake tiramisu sambil ditemenin sm hot chocolate. grrrr &most important thing! sambil nntn my favorite cartoon, spongebob squarepants<3 &one more thing, kmr nyokap lagi dingin bgt, ooooh what a day. &chatting with you, yes you. E. sm music jazz yang ada di ipod bener bener buat hari gue perfect.
actually, today i don't feel like doing anything.
&that's make me so damnfuckin' bored, makanya gue nyusahin org serumah nyuruh beliin cake, bikinin hotchocolate which is really yummy. bisa kebayang seberapa bnyk lemak yang ada di hotchocolate &tiramissu-_- but i don't mind it, really.
&tbtb, adek gue dateng.
oh crap! why the fuck is my sister doing in this room? oh dear sisters, you ruined my mood, again.
sincerely,
ME. --orang yang lo ganggu mulu, tiap hari. gila. setres gue.
enough.
nah, sekarang gue bener22 disibukkin ngusir org. grrrr fuckyourdear.
back to our main topic,
UN selesai.
expectations; bakalan jalan22, buat video, having fun, sleep over, hangout with friends, go swimming, ke sc, relax, ga bakalan ada lagi yang namanaya bosen, holiday with family &others. yang jelas having fun.
reality; stay at home, get bored, kaki gue sakit sampe gabisa jalaaaaannn. that's whyyy gue gabisa ngelakuin those things. ahfuck.
can you imagine that? setelah belajar222, kan yang dimau ya having funnn, rite? but why life is so unfair? ;( yang ada gue malah stay at home, not doing anything. &worse, gue ga nntn jb's concert.
dear mom,
please. i need a vacation. go shopping maybe? refreshing? oh crap, i really need it. maybe we can go to thailand so we can shopping together? just you and me. just two of us?
go have a candle light dinner with a whole family? i need it mom, as soon as possible.
maybe drinking wine with daddy sure are fun thing to do. &go to the nightclub as you ask before? sure.
i need it, i need a vacation.
sincerely,
me, your daughter.
enough. gue mau mandi, mau berendam nenangin pikiran.
bye.
XOXO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
sekarang? tiduran di sofa kamar nyokap, makan cake tiramisu sambil ditemenin sm hot chocolate. grrrr &most important thing! sambil nntn my favorite cartoon, spongebob squarepants<3 &one more thing, kmr nyokap lagi dingin bgt, ooooh what a day. &chatting with you, yes you. E. sm music jazz yang ada di ipod bener bener buat hari gue perfect.
actually, today i don't feel like doing anything.
&that's make me so damnfuckin' bored, makanya gue nyusahin org serumah nyuruh beliin cake, bikinin hotchocolate which is really yummy. bisa kebayang seberapa bnyk lemak yang ada di hotchocolate &tiramissu-_- but i don't mind it, really.
&tbtb, adek gue dateng.
oh crap! why the fuck is my sister doing in this room? oh dear sisters, you ruined my mood, again.
sincerely,
ME. --orang yang lo ganggu mulu, tiap hari. gila. setres gue.
enough.
nah, sekarang gue bener22 disibukkin ngusir org. grrrr fuckyourdear.
back to our main topic,
UN selesai.
expectations; bakalan jalan22, buat video, having fun, sleep over, hangout with friends, go swimming, ke sc, relax, ga bakalan ada lagi yang namanaya bosen, holiday with family &others. yang jelas having fun.
reality; stay at home, get bored, kaki gue sakit sampe gabisa jalaaaaannn. that's whyyy gue gabisa ngelakuin those things. ahfuck.
can you imagine that? setelah belajar222, kan yang dimau ya having funnn, rite? but why life is so unfair? ;( yang ada gue malah stay at home, not doing anything. &worse, gue ga nntn jb's concert.
dear mom,
please. i need a vacation. go shopping maybe? refreshing? oh crap, i really need it. maybe we can go to thailand so we can shopping together? just you and me. just two of us?
go have a candle light dinner with a whole family? i need it mom, as soon as possible.
maybe drinking wine with daddy sure are fun thing to do. &go to the nightclub as you ask before? sure.
i need it, i need a vacation.
sincerely,
me, your daughter.
enough. gue mau mandi, mau berendam nenangin pikiran.
bye.
XOXO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
Monday, May 2, 2011
Doraemon
Dear Doraemon,
Jika kau ada di suatu tempat di sana, apakah di planet lain di mana Nobita tak lagi cengeng, atau sebuah dimensi tanpa makhluk bernama tikus, aku harap kau membaca ini. Aku ada beberapa permintaan. Mungkin banyak. Tapi kupastikan, tak lebih banyak dari Nobita. Jika kau berkenan, tolong izinkan.
Beri aku tv pengintai. Untuk selalu melihatnya dari jauh, agar aku tahu suasana hatinya.
Beri aku satu baling-baling bambu. Untuk terbang menghampirinya, saat dia tengah sedih.
Beri aku pistol udara. Agar bisa menembak orang-orang yang menyakitinya.
Beri aku senter pengecil. Untuk "mengecilkan" semua masalah yang dihadapinya.
Beri aku jubah tembus pandang. Agar aku bisa selalu menjaganya, tanpa dia tahu.
Beri aku pintu ke mana saja. Agar saat malam tiba, aku bisa menghampirinya. Memastikan nyenyak kah tidurnya malam ini.
Beri aku mesin waktu. Cuma untuk 10 menit, aku akan ke masa 10 tahun lagi. Melihat apakah dia bahagia.
Doraemon, jika kau seperti Sinterklas, berilah aku hadiah keinginanku. Aku janji tak akan nakal. Aku mohon...
Jika kau ada di suatu tempat di sana, apakah di planet lain di mana Nobita tak lagi cengeng, atau sebuah dimensi tanpa makhluk bernama tikus, aku harap kau membaca ini. Aku ada beberapa permintaan. Mungkin banyak. Tapi kupastikan, tak lebih banyak dari Nobita. Jika kau berkenan, tolong izinkan.
Beri aku tv pengintai. Untuk selalu melihatnya dari jauh, agar aku tahu suasana hatinya.
Beri aku satu baling-baling bambu. Untuk terbang menghampirinya, saat dia tengah sedih.
Beri aku pistol udara. Agar bisa menembak orang-orang yang menyakitinya.
Beri aku senter pengecil. Untuk "mengecilkan" semua masalah yang dihadapinya.
Beri aku jubah tembus pandang. Agar aku bisa selalu menjaganya, tanpa dia tahu.
Beri aku pintu ke mana saja. Agar saat malam tiba, aku bisa menghampirinya. Memastikan nyenyak kah tidurnya malam ini.
Beri aku mesin waktu. Cuma untuk 10 menit, aku akan ke masa 10 tahun lagi. Melihat apakah dia bahagia.
Doraemon, jika kau seperti Sinterklas, berilah aku hadiah keinginanku. Aku janji tak akan nakal. Aku mohon...
Reblogged from: Director's Blog
http://eitofave.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
brought tears to my eyes
Boy: Hey, hun!
Girl: Hey.
Boy: I missed you at school today. Why weren't you there?
Girl: Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.
Boy: Oh really? Why?
Girl: Oh, nothing. Just some annual shots, that's all.
Boy: Oh.
Girl: So what did you guys do in Math today?
Boy: You didn't miss anything that great, just a lot of notes.
Girl: Okay, good.
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hey, I have a question to ask.
Boy: Okay, ask away.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: You know I love you more than anything in this world.
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Why did you ask?
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Is something wrong?
Girl: No. Nothing at all. Um. How much do you care about me?
Boy: I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.
Girl: You would?
Boy: Yeah of course I would. *sounding worried* Is there something wrong?
Girl: No, everything's fine.
Boy: Are you sure?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Okay. I hope so.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: I would take a bullet for you any day, hun.
Girl: Really?
Boy: Any day. Now, seriously, is there something wrong?
Girl: No, I'm fine. You're fine. We're fine. Everyone and everything is fine.
Boy: Okay.
Girl: Well, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Boy: Alright, bye. I love you!
Girl: Yeah. I love you too. Bye.
Girl: Hey.
Boy: I missed you at school today. Why weren't you there?
Girl: Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.
Boy: Oh really? Why?
Girl: Oh, nothing. Just some annual shots, that's all.
Boy: Oh.
Girl: So what did you guys do in Math today?
Boy: You didn't miss anything that great, just a lot of notes.
Girl: Okay, good.
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hey, I have a question to ask.
Boy: Okay, ask away.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: You know I love you more than anything in this world.
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Why did you ask?
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Is something wrong?
Girl: No. Nothing at all. Um. How much do you care about me?
Boy: I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.
Girl: You would?
Boy: Yeah of course I would. *sounding worried* Is there something wrong?
Girl: No, everything's fine.
Boy: Are you sure?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Okay. I hope so.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: I would take a bullet for you any day, hun.
Girl: Really?
Boy: Any day. Now, seriously, is there something wrong?
Girl: No, I'm fine. You're fine. We're fine. Everyone and everything is fine.
Boy: Okay.
Girl: Well, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Boy: Alright, bye. I love you!
Girl: Yeah. I love you too. Bye.
THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL
Boy: Hey, have you seen my girlfriend today?
Friend: No.
Boy: Oh.
Friend: She wasn't here yesterday, either.
Boy: I know. She was acting all weird on the phone last night.
Friend: Well, dude, you know how girls are sometimes.
Boy: Yeah, but not her.
Friend: I don't know what else to say, man.
Boy: Okay, well I gotta get to English. I'll see ya after school.
Friend: Yeah I gotta get to Science. Later.
THAT NIGHT
Girl: Hello?
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Oh, hey.
Boy: Why weren't you at school today?
Girl: Uh, I had another appointment with the doctor.
Boy: Are you sick?
Girl: Um, I have to go. My mom’s calling on the other line.
Boy: I’ll wait.
Girl: It may take a while. I’ll call you later.
Boy: Alright. I love you.
-very long pause-
Girl: *with a tears in her eyes* Look, I think we should break up.
Boy: What?!
Girl: It’s the best thing for us right now.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I love you.
Friend: No.
Boy: Oh.
Friend: She wasn't here yesterday, either.
Boy: I know. She was acting all weird on the phone last night.
Friend: Well, dude, you know how girls are sometimes.
Boy: Yeah, but not her.
Friend: I don't know what else to say, man.
Boy: Okay, well I gotta get to English. I'll see ya after school.
Friend: Yeah I gotta get to Science. Later.
THAT NIGHT
Girl: Hello?
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Oh, hey.
Boy: Why weren't you at school today?
Girl: Uh, I had another appointment with the doctor.
Boy: Are you sick?
Girl: Um, I have to go. My mom’s calling on the other line.
Boy: I’ll wait.
Girl: It may take a while. I’ll call you later.
Boy: Alright. I love you.
-very long pause-
Girl: *with a tears in her eyes* Look, I think we should break up.
Boy: What?!
Girl: It’s the best thing for us right now.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I love you.
THE GIRL DOESN’T COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE
Boy: Hey dude.
Friend: Hey.
Boy: What’s up?
Friend: Nothing. Hey, have you talked to your ex lately?
Boy: No.
Friend: So you didn’t hear?
Boy: Hear what?
Friend: Um, I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you…
Boy: Dude, just tell me!
Friend: Uh. Call this number, 433-555-3468.
Boy: Okay, thanks!
Friend: Hey.
Boy: What’s up?
Friend: Nothing. Hey, have you talked to your ex lately?
Boy: No.
Friend: So you didn’t hear?
Boy: Hear what?
Friend: Um, I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you…
Boy: Dude, just tell me!
Friend: Uh. Call this number, 433-555-3468.
Boy: Okay, thanks!
BOY CALLS THE NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL
Voice: Hello, Suppam County Hospital. This is Nurse Victoria.
Boy: Uh, I must have the wrong number. I’m looking for my friend.
Voice: What is their name, sir?
*boy gives info*
Voice: Yes, this is the right number. She’s one of our patients here.
Boy: Really? Why? What happened? How is she?
Voice: Her room number is 646 in building A, suite 3.
Boy: WHAT HAPPENED?!
Voice: Please come by, sir, and you can see her. Goodbye.
Boy: WAIT! NO!
Boy: Uh, I must have the wrong number. I’m looking for my friend.
Voice: What is their name, sir?
*boy gives info*
Voice: Yes, this is the right number. She’s one of our patients here.
Boy: Really? Why? What happened? How is she?
Voice: Her room number is 646 in building A, suite 3.
Boy: WHAT HAPPENED?!
Voice: Please come by, sir, and you can see her. Goodbye.
Boy: WAIT! NO!
THE BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM 646, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. THE GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.
Boy: Oh my God, are you okay?
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Dear, talk to me!
Girl: I..
Boy: You what?
Girl: I have cancer and I’m on life support.
Boy: *breaks into tears*
Girl: They're taking me off tonight.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t .
Boy: Why didn’t you tell me?
Girl: I didn’t want to hurt you.
Boy: You could never hurt me.
Girl: I just wanted to see if you felt about me the same as I felt about you.
Boy: Huh?
Girl: I love you more than anything. I would give you the world in a heartbeat. I would die for you and take a bullet for you.
Boy: *crying*
Girl: Don’t be sad. I love you and I’ll always be there with you.
Boy: Then why did you break up with me?
Nurse: Young man, visiting hours are over.
The boy leaves and later that night the girl is taken off of life support and dies, but what the boy didn’t know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time. She only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks left to live and thought that it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Dear, talk to me!
Girl: I..
Boy: You what?
Girl: I have cancer and I’m on life support.
Boy: *breaks into tears*
Girl: They're taking me off tonight.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t .
Boy: Why didn’t you tell me?
Girl: I didn’t want to hurt you.
Boy: You could never hurt me.
Girl: I just wanted to see if you felt about me the same as I felt about you.
Boy: Huh?
Girl: I love you more than anything. I would give you the world in a heartbeat. I would die for you and take a bullet for you.
Boy: *crying*
Girl: Don’t be sad. I love you and I’ll always be there with you.
Boy: Then why did you break up with me?
Nurse: Young man, visiting hours are over.
The boy leaves and later that night the girl is taken off of life support and dies, but what the boy didn’t know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time. She only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks left to live and thought that it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.
NEXT DAY
The boy is found dead with a gun in one hand and a note in the other.
THE NOTE SAID:
THE NOTE SAID:
“I told her that I would take a bullet for her, just like she said she would die for me.”
Saturday, April 16, 2011
i'm tired. i need a rest:&
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
"I need to move on" says my head
"I need to hold on" says my heart
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I'm sorry I was good enoughI'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me
I don't know. but sorry, i......i.....still love you</3
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
"I need to move on" says my head
"I need to hold on" says my heart
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I'm sorry I was good enoughI'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me
I don't know. but sorry, i......i.....still love you</3
I.......
You were the sun shining brightly through the day
If ever something was wrong, you'd make it better right away
But now you're gone, the rain is falling
There is nobody answering to my call
Every day I see you with a smile on your face
And it hurts deep down to know that I will be replaced
You were the best thing that happened to me, and the best thing
taken away
And every night as I lie crying, I wish you'd stayed
Because now I'm alone, and still in love
You're the only thing my heart is dreaming of
lyk seriously, you've been a part of me.
"wie die Hälfte meines Herzens geht auch mit Ihnen"
big thanks to; google translate for helping me making this;)
xoxo,
zahwa samodra putri \m/
If ever something was wrong, you'd make it better right away
But now you're gone, the rain is falling
There is nobody answering to my call
Every day I see you with a smile on your face
And it hurts deep down to know that I will be replaced
You were the best thing that happened to me, and the best thing
taken away
And every night as I lie crying, I wish you'd stayed
Because now I'm alone, and still in love
You're the only thing my heart is dreaming of
lyk seriously, you've been a part of me.
"wie die Hälfte meines Herzens geht auch mit Ihnen"
big thanks to; google translate for helping me making this;)
xoxo,
zahwa samodra putri \m/
Friday, April 15, 2011
lying to forget
"This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name
Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone
Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs
But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath
When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go"
I just learned about life, i just learned about letting go, &letting you go, is the hardest part :'(
honestly, i need you to stay. i need you to be here with me no matter what. because i feel so lonely. i need you, as always. &now you go. hard to believe, but this is real. i wasn't dreaming. he left me.
i want you back, i want you. i want you so badly</3
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name
Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone
Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs
But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath
When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go"
I just learned about life, i just learned about letting go, &letting you go, is the hardest part :'(
honestly, i need you to stay. i need you to be here with me no matter what. because i feel so lonely. i need you, as always. &now you go. hard to believe, but this is real. i wasn't dreaming. he left me.
i want you back, i want you. i want you so badly</3
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
you left me, i fail
"Words come
Eyes blink
Hands quiver
Pen moves
But then……….
Silence breaks
Thoughts shatter
Pen stops
Words disappear
Because………..
Out of nowhere
Your memory comes back
And once again
I leave the paper blank
Just because of your thoughts
Words never come
Eyes never blink
Hands never quiver
Pen never moves
And once again….
I fail…..
To fill the blank pages
of my life....."
i don't know, i just tired. tired of drama. i'm sick. sick of being "sick&tired"
if only i could go back to that day when.....forget it! i will never. hhh-_- i need a rest.
P.S; i still love you, please come back :')
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
Eyes blink
Hands quiver
Pen moves
But then……….
Silence breaks
Thoughts shatter
Pen stops
Words disappear
Because………..
Out of nowhere
Your memory comes back
And once again
I leave the paper blank
Just because of your thoughts
Words never come
Eyes never blink
Hands never quiver
Pen never moves
And once again….
I fail…..
To fill the blank pages
of my life....."
i don't know, i just tired. tired of drama. i'm sick. sick of being "sick&tired"
if only i could go back to that day when.....forget it! i will never. hhh-_- i need a rest.
P.S; i still love you, please come back :')
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
i need you
"The day when you entered my life,
has become my life’s best day…..
Many days come and pass away,
but this day has its own charm anyway…
but this day has its own charm anyway…
You have changed my life completely,
and my love is growing with each new day…
and my love is growing with each new day…
Oh my love! I m incomplete without you,
don’t leave me alone for a single day…
don’t leave me alone for a single day…
Hold me in your arms tightly,
and make my every day a very special day…"
and make my every day a very special day…"
P.S; i made this officially just for you, ....rr....yy....
please believe me, that i will fall for you, i will do anything for you, just be my boy, &we'll be happy.
i promise.
mark my word, I promise.
XOXO,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
my eyes for you
I only have eyes for you
Hunderd’s of people pass my way
I see them, but I don’t …………………
Do you understand what I mean
I know they are there
The’re just not seen
No matter where I go
Or what I do
At a fast or slow
Only one person has my heart
I only have eyes for you
When we are together,
Just us two
Fireworks emploding in the sky
I wouldn’t see them
And, you know why
I only have eyes for you
You have heard this many times
I know
Look into a person’s eyes
but You are the only one
That can look into my eyes
And see the path ways to my heart
That path way belongs to only you
Whether we are together or apart
There was moment in time
When it all came together
I know this love was true
There will never be anyone else
Because
I only have eyes for you…..
Hunderd’s of people pass my way
I see them, but I don’t …………………
Do you understand what I mean
I know they are there
The’re just not seen
No matter where I go
Or what I do
At a fast or slow
Only one person has my heart
I only have eyes for you
When we are together,
Just us two
Fireworks emploding in the sky
I wouldn’t see them
And, you know why
I only have eyes for you
You have heard this many times
I know
Look into a person’s eyes
but You are the only one
That can look into my eyes
And see the path ways to my heart
That path way belongs to only you
Whether we are together or apart
There was moment in time
When it all came together
I know this love was true
There will never be anyone else
Because
I only have eyes for you…..
when friendship turns to love
I didn't want to depart my home town, which I've been settling ever since the day I was born. Neither do I want to leave my school, relatives, and most importantly my best friend Samuel.
Sam and I had been best friends since elementary school. I still recall the day when we first met; it was the first day of grade 1 and we were in the same class.
Unintentionally I collided with his head trying to reach for my pencil that had been knocked out on the floor. Fortunately I didn’t know that he was trying to reach for it too. From that time on we got close, share lunch, talk and became best friends. We’d hang around together as often as I’d hang around with my family. He’s like my brother; a brother who I could lean to when I have problems, a brother who’s always there for me when I’m in trouble, a brother who loved me for me… at least as a sister. What he didn’t know is that I am deeply in love with him ever since the day we first met; which saddens me the most, assuming that he only thinks of me as his sister.
In sixth grade, in spite of this, things changed. We had been together for 5 implausible years, but this year is diverse. I was moving. Moving far away from him, it’s like a new world I’m getting myself into. My deep profoundness love for him is still there and I don’t want to leave him. We agreed to call each other at least twice a week, send letters and emails if we have time, and stay in touch with each other. Except that, it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be like old times, we wouldn’t see each other except in pictures, we couldn’t do anything together now. We couldn’t be there for each other, all the time anymore. Furthermore we are two continents away from each other. And I wanted to confess. Tomorrow, I decided.
The day of the departure came but he was nowhere in sight. I tried calling his cell but no one was answering it. I was so worried and sad that he forgot about my departure. I left the country heartbroken and thinking that maybe he had a good excuse why he didn’t go.
One year had passed and still no sign of him. I tried calling his home every once in a while but his mother would always say, “Oh he’s not here, but I’ll tell him you called!” and I would be so depressed. Sometimes I just think that he’s been avoiding my calls. But why I wondered
I was going off to grade 9. I hadn’t been getting any emails or letters from him; or hadn’t been getting any at all. I tried to tell myself that, “Its okay Katherine, he’s just busy that’s all.” However I had my doubts. What if he’s not busy at all? What if he forgot about me? What if he got a girlfriend and been too busy to talk or even stay in touch with me? A lot of what ifs’ are on my head. I tried emailing him and writing letters but there was no reply. What if all my what ifs’ came true? Then maybe I should be pleased, pleased for the reason that he’s happy. On the contrary why didn’t he tell me?
2 years had passed and still no sign of his letters or emails or phone calls. I tried to get over him. I really tried but I can’t. I just couldn’t forget the fact that I love him.
One week later, I received a letter from his home address, accusing it was him I ripped it open. I was so anxious to read his letter that I skipped a couple of parts, that I thought wasn’t that important. Unfortunately, it is important. It says that he’s sick and is in a coma. I was so shocked to see this that I ran inside to tell my parents to get me a ticket back to see him. Luckily they approved and booked me the latest flight.
I preceded to the hospital his in. I was so worried to see him, concerned that he’s undergoing from a poor health. When I got in his room my heart raised and kept thumping on my chest. I noticed him lying there with bandages all over his body. I felt sorry for him. All this time I was blaming him of overlooking me while his being diagnosed. I had a talk with his mom and she told me what had happened to him. She assumed that he was crossing the street while he was writing in a book and a truck had hit him. That book was sadly addressed to me, it has no title its cover is blank. I opened it and started reading the first page.
September 17, 200*
“This is the day I left.” I thought.
Katherine left today. I’m so upset to see her leave. That’s why I didn’t go to the airport at all. But I tried to go realizing that I had to confess my love for her before she leaves but I was too late. I’m going to miss her so bad. All the good times we had will never be forgotten. I wish I could come with her. I love her so very much.
My tears started falling. I admired him. I was in awe. He made a diary for me starting with the day I left. And what mostly saddened me is the fact that he loved me too. I scanned through pages and read the last page he had written on.
March 26, 200*
I can’t wait for Kath to see what I had done for her. I hope she’ll like it. I just miss her so bad. I wish she was here right now in my arms holding me tight and wishing she wouldn’t be away anymo ---
And it was cut right there. I couldn’t imagine the scene how it happened. I saw a glimpse of him again and a tear fell on my cheeks. I hold his hand so tight. That time I had wished that I hadn’t left and be with him throughout this tough time. There was this throb in my chest. I scanned again and all the other pages are blank. A letter dropped when I was about to close it.
By the time I was done reading his letter. I heard a beep it was coming from him. I was stunned. I dropped the book and ran towards him and started calling the nurse.
“Stay with me please, stay with me… don’t leave me please. I can’t let you leave me. Please. I. Love. You.” I cried as the tears fell. I was shaking. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want him to leave me. I want him to be here by my side comforting me, and telling me that it was all a joke. But it’s not a joke. It’s reality. He’s dead and here I am living my life through pages in the diary. I filled the rest of the book. I even started a new book since it couldn’t hold all my memories and thoughts of him. And I will always remember him. How he had been a good friend. How he helped me through bad times. How he loved me so much that I didn’t want to let go. I will not forget him. He had been the best inspiration of my life. He is the best of friend anyone could ever have. I will not forget him. I love him.
“C’mon Kath, were going to be late for school!” Mark shouted through our front door. Mark had been my friend since the day I first came to his school. He had been a good friend, almost as good as Sam. He kind of reminds me of Sam. Sometimes when I'm with Mark, I kind of think that Sam sent him to guide me and to be with me just like he did for me when he was alive.oming!” I shouted back. This is a fresh new start and a beginning of an ideal friendship. Or so I thought.
actually this is not my story, which is i just copy it from google! haha
but i just wanna share.
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
Sam and I had been best friends since elementary school. I still recall the day when we first met; it was the first day of grade 1 and we were in the same class.
Unintentionally I collided with his head trying to reach for my pencil that had been knocked out on the floor. Fortunately I didn’t know that he was trying to reach for it too. From that time on we got close, share lunch, talk and became best friends. We’d hang around together as often as I’d hang around with my family. He’s like my brother; a brother who I could lean to when I have problems, a brother who’s always there for me when I’m in trouble, a brother who loved me for me… at least as a sister. What he didn’t know is that I am deeply in love with him ever since the day we first met; which saddens me the most, assuming that he only thinks of me as his sister.
In sixth grade, in spite of this, things changed. We had been together for 5 implausible years, but this year is diverse. I was moving. Moving far away from him, it’s like a new world I’m getting myself into. My deep profoundness love for him is still there and I don’t want to leave him. We agreed to call each other at least twice a week, send letters and emails if we have time, and stay in touch with each other. Except that, it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be like old times, we wouldn’t see each other except in pictures, we couldn’t do anything together now. We couldn’t be there for each other, all the time anymore. Furthermore we are two continents away from each other. And I wanted to confess. Tomorrow, I decided.
The day of the departure came but he was nowhere in sight. I tried calling his cell but no one was answering it. I was so worried and sad that he forgot about my departure. I left the country heartbroken and thinking that maybe he had a good excuse why he didn’t go.
One year had passed and still no sign of him. I tried calling his home every once in a while but his mother would always say, “Oh he’s not here, but I’ll tell him you called!” and I would be so depressed. Sometimes I just think that he’s been avoiding my calls. But why I wondered
I was going off to grade 9. I hadn’t been getting any emails or letters from him; or hadn’t been getting any at all. I tried to tell myself that, “Its okay Katherine, he’s just busy that’s all.” However I had my doubts. What if he’s not busy at all? What if he forgot about me? What if he got a girlfriend and been too busy to talk or even stay in touch with me? A lot of what ifs’ are on my head. I tried emailing him and writing letters but there was no reply. What if all my what ifs’ came true? Then maybe I should be pleased, pleased for the reason that he’s happy. On the contrary why didn’t he tell me?
2 years had passed and still no sign of his letters or emails or phone calls. I tried to get over him. I really tried but I can’t. I just couldn’t forget the fact that I love him.
One week later, I received a letter from his home address, accusing it was him I ripped it open. I was so anxious to read his letter that I skipped a couple of parts, that I thought wasn’t that important. Unfortunately, it is important. It says that he’s sick and is in a coma. I was so shocked to see this that I ran inside to tell my parents to get me a ticket back to see him. Luckily they approved and booked me the latest flight.
I preceded to the hospital his in. I was so worried to see him, concerned that he’s undergoing from a poor health. When I got in his room my heart raised and kept thumping on my chest. I noticed him lying there with bandages all over his body. I felt sorry for him. All this time I was blaming him of overlooking me while his being diagnosed. I had a talk with his mom and she told me what had happened to him. She assumed that he was crossing the street while he was writing in a book and a truck had hit him. That book was sadly addressed to me, it has no title its cover is blank. I opened it and started reading the first page.
September 17, 200*
“This is the day I left.” I thought.
Katherine left today. I’m so upset to see her leave. That’s why I didn’t go to the airport at all. But I tried to go realizing that I had to confess my love for her before she leaves but I was too late. I’m going to miss her so bad. All the good times we had will never be forgotten. I wish I could come with her. I love her so very much.
My tears started falling. I admired him. I was in awe. He made a diary for me starting with the day I left. And what mostly saddened me is the fact that he loved me too. I scanned through pages and read the last page he had written on.
March 26, 200*
I can’t wait for Kath to see what I had done for her. I hope she’ll like it. I just miss her so bad. I wish she was here right now in my arms holding me tight and wishing she wouldn’t be away anymo ---
And it was cut right there. I couldn’t imagine the scene how it happened. I saw a glimpse of him again and a tear fell on my cheeks. I hold his hand so tight. That time I had wished that I hadn’t left and be with him throughout this tough time. There was this throb in my chest. I scanned again and all the other pages are blank. A letter dropped when I was about to close it.
Dear Kath,
If you are done reading my diary I want you to fill out the other half of this book. I miss you so bad, Kath. I’m sorry if I keep missing your calls I was just too busy with work. Yeah, Kath I’m working now so I could surprise you and go there and maybe finish my school there. I can’t wait to see you soon. I’m also sorry that it took me 2 years to get this to you its just that I didn’t know your address there and I had to look for your relatives to tell me your address, and about the email thing I tried to email you back but our computer is really messed up; I ought to get the fix sometime so I could email you. I’m really sorry if you thought that I don’t care about you, I do. I really do. I love you since the first day we met it’s just that I was too scared to confess because it might ruin our friendship and that I think that you only think of me as a brother. I love you Kath, I love you with all my heart and I’m sacrificing everything just to be with you.
If you are done reading my diary I want you to fill out the other half of this book. I miss you so bad, Kath. I’m sorry if I keep missing your calls I was just too busy with work. Yeah, Kath I’m working now so I could surprise you and go there and maybe finish my school there. I can’t wait to see you soon. I’m also sorry that it took me 2 years to get this to you its just that I didn’t know your address there and I had to look for your relatives to tell me your address, and about the email thing I tried to email you back but our computer is really messed up; I ought to get the fix sometime so I could email you. I’m really sorry if you thought that I don’t care about you, I do. I really do. I love you since the first day we met it’s just that I was too scared to confess because it might ruin our friendship and that I think that you only think of me as a brother. I love you Kath, I love you with all my heart and I’m sacrificing everything just to be with you.
With Love,
Sam
Sam
By the time I was done reading his letter. I heard a beep it was coming from him. I was stunned. I dropped the book and ran towards him and started calling the nurse.
“Stay with me please, stay with me… don’t leave me please. I can’t let you leave me. Please. I. Love. You.” I cried as the tears fell. I was shaking. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want him to leave me. I want him to be here by my side comforting me, and telling me that it was all a joke. But it’s not a joke. It’s reality. He’s dead and here I am living my life through pages in the diary. I filled the rest of the book. I even started a new book since it couldn’t hold all my memories and thoughts of him. And I will always remember him. How he had been a good friend. How he helped me through bad times. How he loved me so much that I didn’t want to let go. I will not forget him. He had been the best inspiration of my life. He is the best of friend anyone could ever have. I will not forget him. I love him.
“C’mon Kath, were going to be late for school!” Mark shouted through our front door. Mark had been my friend since the day I first came to his school. He had been a good friend, almost as good as Sam. He kind of reminds me of Sam. Sometimes when I'm with Mark, I kind of think that Sam sent him to guide me and to be with me just like he did for me when he was alive.oming!” I shouted back. This is a fresh new start and a beginning of an ideal friendship. Or so I thought.
actually this is not my story, which is i just copy it from google! haha
but i just wanna share.
Xoxo,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
dear leona lewis
dear leona,
i was running my playlist tonight and for the first time in years, your (amazing) song "the best you never had" started playing. i love that song, but R U freakin' KIDDING ME??? what a slap in the face. perfect timing. i know that song is for people like me, and yes, I've learned my lesson. so for the love of God-- don't punish me. please, stop pushing it, not today... and never again.
"What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be.
But put them together side-by-side and they have the power
to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?"
- Letters to Juliet
Monday, April 4, 2011
mon(ster)day!!
hey everyone! hari ini gue capeeeek bgt-_-
well....ini capek yang benerbener capek. pdhl gue ga sport/larilari hari ini but i don't know how comeeee gue bisa secapek ini. &kyknya minggu ini bakalan jadi minggu yang berat&tiring causeeeee minggu ini bakalan FULL belajar, no free time anymore! can you believe it? uhmm untung aja disekolah gue bisa ketemu anak kuhn, ya paling ga kalo main sm mereka jadi ga kerasa lah kalo emang lagi stress:$
haha okya...pagipagi tadi gue belajar BIOLOGY&u guys know ritee gue gasuka biologyyy, a-lot! huhh bisa dibayangin betapa ngantuknya gue tadi pagi HA HA. than we're moving class ke kelas ning-yang kalo gasalah. kita belajar english&disuruh ngerjain 60 soal, tp gpp untungnya gampang;D jadi kita ngerjainnya pada niat&cepet semua kok hahaha. abis itu ada kelas bahasa, belajar belajar belajarrrr &than recess! terus abis recess kita masuk ada kelas math. betapa padatnyaaaaaaaaa?:( hwhw. ohiya! kita bakalan kayak gitu tiap minggu menjelang UN loh-_- &setiap hari jumat bakalan ada TRYOUUUTTTTT-_- Ohdamnnn.
tp yang paling enak itu ya kita lunch dari jam 12.40 sampe jam 2.00! hahaha oke itu gue seneng. &thannn kita main CSI, as always. abis itu kita bimbel and pulang! pas pulang gue rencananya mau kasih surprise ke veda yang lagi birthday (once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEDAAAA) But seems bokap gue dikantor dan hape&dompet gue di dia, jadi ga jadi-_- kesel. @!#$%^&^^%$#!@*^&%$# &thann nanda and alya decited buat makan aja di dialen, yaudah mereka makan tuhhh. abis itu ya gue main aja berdua sm seesha.
terus gue harus nganterin seesha pulangkan, pas gue mau anterin, tbtb gue ngidam eskrrim-_- HA HA. oke karna gue ngebet banget minta eskrim yaudah gue sama seesha ke dialen&karna gue ga modal, yang tadinya mau beli magnum jadi beli kiko mennnn. jauhloh bedanya hahaha. oketerussss kita jalan2 sambil ngabisin eskrimnyaa terus kan abis muter2 muter2222 i had a very great idea!!!! we're decited to go to faysa's house. and actually kita lupa rumahnya faysa itu yang mana-_____- wkwk yaudahdeh kita ber-OPINI(y) setelah nyari2222 akhirnya ketemu! hahaha dan pas ketemu itu kayak orang yang bener bener gatau malu kita tereka2 depan rumah faysa! hahaha
kyknya faysa denger kita manggil2 but she ignores us-_-
can u believe that she did that to us?;(
hahaha actually.....ga deng. faysa keluar abis itu
&keluarnya....masyaAllah ngagetinnya parah fay..please banget deh ya lain kali kalo lo mau keluar gausah kayak orang kesetanan-_- kyk tuyul taugaa? bikin orang sportjantung *okelebay
ahahahaha i had a great time today with kuhn&seesha which is.....(sebenernya ga terlalu) haha but STILL! serukok;D
OMG! gue lupa sesuatu! gue harus belajar sekarang! well....bye! see ya next time<3
with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
well....ini capek yang benerbener capek. pdhl gue ga sport/larilari hari ini but i don't know how comeeee gue bisa secapek ini. &kyknya minggu ini bakalan jadi minggu yang berat&tiring causeeeee minggu ini bakalan FULL belajar, no free time anymore! can you believe it? uhmm untung aja disekolah gue bisa ketemu anak kuhn, ya paling ga kalo main sm mereka jadi ga kerasa lah kalo emang lagi stress:$
haha okya...pagipagi tadi gue belajar BIOLOGY&u guys know ritee gue gasuka biologyyy, a-lot! huhh bisa dibayangin betapa ngantuknya gue tadi pagi HA HA. than we're moving class ke kelas ning-yang kalo gasalah. kita belajar english&disuruh ngerjain 60 soal, tp gpp untungnya gampang;D jadi kita ngerjainnya pada niat&cepet semua kok hahaha. abis itu ada kelas bahasa, belajar belajar belajarrrr &than recess! terus abis recess kita masuk ada kelas math. betapa padatnyaaaaaaaaa?:( hwhw. ohiya! kita bakalan kayak gitu tiap minggu menjelang UN loh-_- &setiap hari jumat bakalan ada TRYOUUUTTTTT-_- Ohdamnnn.
tp yang paling enak itu ya kita lunch dari jam 12.40 sampe jam 2.00! hahaha oke itu gue seneng. &thannn kita main CSI, as always. abis itu kita bimbel and pulang! pas pulang gue rencananya mau kasih surprise ke veda yang lagi birthday (once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEDAAAA) But seems bokap gue dikantor dan hape&dompet gue di dia, jadi ga jadi-_- kesel. @!#$%^&^^%$#!@*^&%$# &thann nanda and alya decited buat makan aja di dialen, yaudah mereka makan tuhhh. abis itu ya gue main aja berdua sm seesha.
terus gue harus nganterin seesha pulangkan, pas gue mau anterin, tbtb gue ngidam eskrrim-_- HA HA. oke karna gue ngebet banget minta eskrim yaudah gue sama seesha ke dialen&karna gue ga modal, yang tadinya mau beli magnum jadi beli kiko mennnn. jauhloh bedanya hahaha. oketerussss kita jalan2 sambil ngabisin eskrimnyaa terus kan abis muter2 muter2222 i had a very great idea!!!! we're decited to go to faysa's house. and actually kita lupa rumahnya faysa itu yang mana-_____- wkwk yaudahdeh kita ber-OPINI(y) setelah nyari2222 akhirnya ketemu! hahaha dan pas ketemu itu kayak orang yang bener bener gatau malu kita tereka2 depan rumah faysa! hahaha
kyknya faysa denger kita manggil2 but she ignores us-_-
can u believe that she did that to us?;(
hahaha actually.....ga deng. faysa keluar abis itu
&keluarnya....masyaAllah ngagetinnya parah fay..please banget deh ya lain kali kalo lo mau keluar gausah kayak orang kesetanan-_- kyk tuyul taugaa? bikin orang sportjantung *okelebay
ahahahaha i had a great time today with kuhn&seesha which is.....(sebenernya ga terlalu) haha but STILL! serukok;D
OMG! gue lupa sesuatu! gue harus belajar sekarang! well....bye! see ya next time<3
with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/
Saturday, March 26, 2011
-_-
hey bloggers! Guess what day is today? absolutely right. today is Saturday. still remember the post before this? on saturday night which is very annoying and horrible? Yes. because last night I could not sleep because I could not breath, I began to sleep in the morning, at 6 am. I'm tired. tired bcause i can't sleep all night long. can you imagine that? and the next day I woke up promptly at 4 pm. and I realized that Monday is a very important day because on Monday, TO will be held. I panicked! I immediately jumped at the IPA&BI module and immediately do a few practice problems, until now, precisely at 12 o'clock tonight, I felt tired and needed a break, I'm tired.
with hug&kisses,
Queen Bee-Atch, Zahwa Samodra Putri<3 (:
with hug&kisses,
Queen Bee-Atch, Zahwa Samodra Putri<3 (:
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A Terrible Friday Night
I own the middle of a very cold night and this long. I can not imagine how not-lucky I am on this night. I never felt this at night the night before, but this is worse than usual. I'm confused. I can not stand anymore. can not stand to bear the pain more and more haunted. This pain was not a joke. I could no longer hold. I do not know what's going on with my body parts. and now my spine is painful when I lay down in bed. & Seriously, it's killing me! i can not even sleep now. can you imagine how much pain? First, I just felt tightness in my part of the lung, and now the pain is everywhere, I can't stand anymore. I need someone who really care about me. only 1 that I asked for tonight, I can sleep in peace, and tomorrow when I wake up, everything is back to normal again, and the pain is gone, and never appeared to haunt me again, amen
Friday, March 11, 2011
things you should know about me♥
okay, first. you must know about this, i really love music! music is my mood booster! like seriously, its a part of my life. i would die if there's no music hahaha. Music always accompanies me when I'm bored, sad, upset, or when I'm happy. and, most importantly, music also accompanied me when I felt very lonely. that's why i really love music. & type of music that i like most is jazz & pop. bcause when i listen to jazz music, i feel peaceful :)
second, you must know about this too, I REALLY HATELIZARD eww it is the most disgusting animal, ever!when I saw the lizard, I would immediately goosebumps. & i hate a lizard with no tail on it, it's freakin' me out ewww
third, this is important! i love to play guitar! ha ha I was not adept at playing any musical instrument, but I just know how to play guitar. I liked guitar since I was in grade 8. I was amazed by one of my friend. and since I was in grade 9 I started trying to play guitar, and continue to learn how to play it properly, until now! ha ha :D
fourth, i really love OMEGLE! ha ha when i'm bored i often play omegle. i can meet many people there! that's why i love to play omegle
And
fifth, i really loveee lovee lovee twitter! oh shit, i addicted to twitter!
XOXO,
queen of bee-atch, Zahwa Smodra Putri /m/
second, you must know about this too, I REALLY HATE
third, this is important! i love to play guitar! ha ha I was not adept at playing any musical instrument, but I just know how to play guitar. I liked guitar since I was in grade 8. I was amazed by one of my friend. and since I was in grade 9 I started trying to play guitar, and continue to learn how to play it properly, until now! ha ha :D
fourth, i really love OMEGLE! ha ha when i'm bored i often play omegle. i can meet many people there! that's why i love to play omegle
And
fifth, i really loveee lovee lovee twitter! oh shit, i addicted to twitter!
"To live a teenage dream"
"That love is drug"
"To light it up like dynamite"
"That you'll only break my heart"
"To enjoy riding solo"
"To dream as being a billionaire"
"To not be afraid"
"dear *peep*, i want to marry you, & i definitely catch a grenade for you, you don't have to be a billionaire, because love you, just the way you are"
XOXO,
queen of bee-atch, Zahwa Smodra Putri /m/
Friday, March 4, 2011
This Friday Night♥
hey bloggers! i feel sucks tonight, feels lyk something is changing my mood. at first it was lyk this...:D than this...:( i felt terrible tonight. and now it's10.53 && still, i don't know what to do. feel so fvckin' bored -_- huh.
& lo harus tau ya! hemm.....ga harus tau deng. okeya gue baru sadar kalo sekarang gue sering banget ngomong "lo harus tau" dan gue baru sadar pas vieda bilang "hem..ga gue ga harus tau-_-"
oke back to the topic! tadi gue kan bosen parah ya, terus main kerumahnya seesha, terus pas gue nyampe beberapa menit kemudian.....jeng jeng....guess what? fira dateng! emang alien aneh banget tiba tiba dateng! HA HA. emang diundang ya fir? heeem just kidding:D oke abis itu kita dengerin lagu buatannya fira judulnya "LALELO" kalo gasalah. LO HARUS DENGER! seriously! cool enough kok fir, kreatif banget ini orang-_-
terus ya....gue sama seesha&fira bikin videojudulnya GINGY!!! (bener ga sih?.....ya kurang lebih gituya) terus kan abis itu gue sama seesha rekaman! wkwk actually bukan "rekaman" in a real meanings. rekaman iseng ya, cuma ngerekam suara, ngereka suara gitar, gabungin, terus di format ke bentuk lagu. udah. hehe tapi seru loh....berapa kali nyoba2 & finally dapet beat yang pas! terus abis itu kita nonton glee! season2! hahaha terus abis itu kita nonton nonton nonton....then....adeknya fira ilang! wakakakak lo harus tau pas rido ilang, fira panik! wkwk cie sayang adek;;) *peaceyafir:D* haha terus kita nntn nntn nntn kan thennnnnn adeknya fira ketemu:D yeay! terus gue diemput, pulang deh! i had so much fun today with kuhn:D thanks guys! :*
well....i must go now, see ya!
with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3
& lo harus tau ya! hemm.....ga harus tau deng. okeya gue baru sadar kalo sekarang gue sering banget ngomong "lo harus tau" dan gue baru sadar pas vieda bilang "hem..ga gue ga harus tau-_-"
oke back to the topic! tadi gue kan bosen parah ya, terus main kerumahnya seesha, terus pas gue nyampe beberapa menit kemudian.....jeng jeng....guess what? fira dateng! emang alien aneh banget tiba tiba dateng! HA HA. emang diundang ya fir? heeem just kidding:D oke abis itu kita dengerin lagu buatannya fira judulnya "LALELO" kalo gasalah. LO HARUS DENGER! seriously! cool enough kok fir, kreatif banget ini orang-_-
terus ya....gue sama seesha&fira bikin videojudulnya GINGY!!! (bener ga sih?.....ya kurang lebih gituya) terus kan abis itu gue sama seesha rekaman! wkwk actually bukan "rekaman" in a real meanings. rekaman iseng ya, cuma ngerekam suara, ngereka suara gitar, gabungin, terus di format ke bentuk lagu. udah. hehe tapi seru loh....berapa kali nyoba2 & finally dapet beat yang pas! terus abis itu kita nonton glee! season2! hahaha terus abis itu kita nonton nonton nonton....then....adeknya fira ilang! wakakakak lo harus tau pas rido ilang, fira panik! wkwk cie sayang adek;;) *peaceyafir:D* haha terus kita nntn nntn nntn kan thennnnnn adeknya fira ketemu:D yeay! terus gue diemput, pulang deh! i had so much fun today with kuhn:D thanks guys! :*
well....i must go now, see ya!
with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3
Monday, February 28, 2011
JUST READ! ;)
i have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend
Until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other friends . To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend...
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days... Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...
Then one day came, my 19th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call I was disconned all my friends call just waiting for his call... But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted... "Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could he.... I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street... with another girl who was handing him a doll... He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll... I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell... Why did he gave these to me... Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it. Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he became a deaf and dumb person and ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted... But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!" HONK~!! "Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him... And after spending two months like a crazy person... I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..." That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..." It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~" I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??" I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~" It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I...love you... Why didn't I realize that....That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much.
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life....
Until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other friends . To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend...
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days... Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...
Then one day came, my 19th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call I was disconned all my friends call just waiting for his call... But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted... "Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could he.... I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street... with another girl who was handing him a doll... He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll... I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell... Why did he gave these to me... Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it. Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he became a deaf and dumb person and ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted... But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!" HONK~!! "Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him... And after spending two months like a crazy person... I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..." That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..." It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~" I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??" I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~" It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I...love you... Why didn't I realize that....That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much.
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life....
You Just Fly Away
i saw him for the first time but i didn’t felt anything towards him that time. time passed and he’s giving me special treatment, i never expected that i will love him eventually. i kept it inside cause i don’t want to lose him. i kept the feeling inside though i know that he already knew about it. months passed still his the only guy i want to spend the rest of my life, we are good friends, he doesn’t have a girlfirend so i’m free to love him the way i want it to be and it didn’t even bother him if that what i felt towards him. i didn’t get anything from him, he just let go of our friendship, and he didn’t care of my feelings that i am hurting. and no matter what i do to move on i still can’t cause i still love him despite of everything though i know its not right anymore, cause even friendship he doesn’t want it anymore.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
SATURDAY!
hey guys! today is SATURDAY right? uhm...well seems that i have to study all the time because of mau tes di Al-Azhar, kyknya saturday hari ini ga ada bedanya sama hari senin-,- malah lebih parah asal lo tau, gue belajar dari baru buka mata, until now! and it's lyk 5-7 hours! gila ga? ya emang sih gue kebanyakan keluar-masuk kamar. tpkan sama aja-,- i'm stressed out! apalagi ditambah senin besok ada test physics! ARRGGHHH it's killing mee! & now...sangking bosennya dan gaada kerjaan, gue main pet society-,- astagaaaaaa :( well.....it's time for me to go, mau lanjut belajar lagi:D wish me luck for tomorrow guys! :)
with hug&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3
with hug&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A day w/ nanda, veda&alya
hey guys! i'm back! it's been a long time since my last post riteeee? yeah. and now i'm gonna share some stories! HA HA. i had a so much fun todayyy! ft alya nanda&veda. started at my house, when nanda came to my house. jadi kan nanda dateng kerumah gue pertamanya. dia dateng sendiri-,- wkwk terus kan gue tanya "sama siapa? alone?" "yes" dia bilang gitu haha poor her(?) udah gitu kan gue nunjukin scrapbook gue yang belom jadi itu ke nanda and she said, "bagus kok bagus" ...........and i was lyk "oh ya ya thanks:)" wk-_- terus kan abis itu nanda bilang kalo veda mau kerumah gue juga hehe. terus after nunggu......she came! haaa FINALLY! terus kita foto2. sumpahya...gue gaboong itu fotonya kenapa bisa perfect! wkwk. yaudah kita fotooo fotooo fotooo...terus abis itu kita kelaperan. then kita ke dialen, abis itu ketemu alya di dialen. ahaha udah sih gue juga mau share itu-,- wkwk udah deh ya daripada nanti makin lama disini makin with hug&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3
Saturday, February 5, 2011
HEY YOU!
Yes you, stop being unhappy with yourself. You're perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else. Stop trying to get attention frm those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, for face, your personality. Love them. Without those things you wouldn't be you. And why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile! It'll draw people in. If anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then stick your middle finger on the air and screw it. My happiness will not depend on other's anymore. I'm happy i love who i am. i love my imperfections. That makes me me. And 'me' is pretty amazing ☺
:D :) :| :'| :'(
Dear blogger, i'm not okay tonight. Feels lyk somethin' shocking the heart. I don't know why. & i'm tired of being fake. Fake of everything. The smile, the laugh that i gave it's all fake. & i know it'll end lyk :) this :| this :'| and this :'( Poor me. Yesterday night i felt really happy. And when i'm close my eyes. Sleep & than i woke up, I realized it is just a dream. A beautiful dream that you gave to me last night. Beautiful, isn't it?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I'M BAAAACKK!!!
with hug&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
