dear leona lewis

dear leona,

i was running my playlist tonight and for the first time in years, your (amazing) song "the best you never had" started playing. i love that song, but R U freakin' KIDDING ME??? what a slap in the face. perfect timing. i know that song is for people like me, and yes, I've learned my lesson. so for the love of God-- don't punish me. please, stop pushing it, not today... and never again.

"What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be.

But put them together side-by-side and they have the power

to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?"

- Letters to Juliet

mon(ster)day!!

hey everyone! hari ini gue capeeeek bgt-_-
well....ini capek yang benerbener capek. pdhl gue ga sport/larilari hari ini but i don't know how comeeee gue bisa secapek ini. &kyknya minggu ini bakalan jadi minggu yang berat&tiring causeeeee minggu ini bakalan FULL belajar, no free time anymore! can you believe it? uhmm untung aja disekolah gue bisa ketemu anak kuhn, ya paling ga kalo main sm mereka jadi ga kerasa lah kalo emang lagi stress:$

haha okya...pagipagi tadi gue belajar BIOLOGY&u guys know ritee gue gasuka biologyyy, a-lot! huhh bisa dibayangin betapa ngantuknya gue tadi pagi HA HA. than we're moving class ke kelas ning-yang kalo gasalah. kita belajar english&disuruh ngerjain 60 soal, tp gpp untungnya gampang;D jadi kita ngerjainnya pada niat&cepet semua kok hahaha. abis itu ada kelas bahasa, belajar belajar belajarrrr &than recess! terus abis recess kita masuk ada kelas math. betapa padatnyaaaaaaaaa?:( hwhw. ohiya! kita bakalan kayak gitu tiap minggu menjelang UN loh-_- &setiap hari jumat bakalan ada TRYOUUUTTTTT-_- Ohdamnnn.

tp yang paling enak itu ya kita lunch dari jam 12.40 sampe jam 2.00! hahaha oke itu gue seneng. &thannn kita main CSI, as always. abis itu kita bimbel and pulang! pas pulang gue rencananya mau kasih surprise ke veda yang lagi birthday (once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEDAAAA) But seems bokap gue dikantor dan hape&dompet gue di dia, jadi ga jadi-_- kesel. @!#$%^&^^%$#!@*^&%$# &thann nanda and alya decited buat makan aja di dialen, yaudah mereka makan tuhhh. abis itu ya gue main aja berdua sm seesha.

terus gue harus nganterin seesha pulangkan, pas gue mau anterin, tbtb gue ngidam eskrrim-_- HA HA. oke karna gue ngebet banget minta eskrim yaudah gue sama seesha ke dialen&karna gue ga modal, yang tadinya mau beli magnum jadi beli kiko mennnn. jauhloh bedanya hahaha. oketerussss kita jalan2 sambil ngabisin eskrimnyaa terus kan abis muter2 muter2222 i had a very great idea!!!! we're decited to go to faysa's house. and actually kita lupa rumahnya faysa itu yang mana-_____- wkwk yaudahdeh kita ber-OPINI(y) setelah nyari2222 akhirnya ketemu! hahaha dan pas ketemu itu kayak orang yang bener bener gatau malu kita tereka2 depan rumah faysa! hahaha
kyknya faysa denger kita manggil2 but she ignores us-_-
can u believe that she did that to us?;(
hahaha actually.....ga deng. faysa keluar abis itu
&keluarnya....masyaAllah ngagetinnya parah fay..please banget deh ya lain kali kalo lo mau keluar gausah kayak orang kesetanan-_- kyk tuyul taugaa? bikin orang sportjantung *okelebay
ahahahaha i had a great time today with kuhn&seesha which is.....(sebenernya ga terlalu) haha but STILL! serukok;D
OMG! gue lupa sesuatu! gue harus belajar sekarang! well....bye! see ya next time<3

with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri \m/

-_-

hey bloggers! Guess what day is today? absolutely right. today is Saturday. still remember the post before this? on saturday night which is very annoying and horrible? Yes. because last night I could not sleep because I could not breath, I began to sleep in the morning, at 6 am. I'm tired. tired bcause i can't sleep all night long. can you imagine that? and the next day I woke up promptly at 4 pm. and I realized that Monday is a very important day because on Monday, TO will be held. I panicked! I immediately jumped at the IPA&BI module and immediately do a few practice problems, until now, precisely at 12 o'clock tonight, I felt tired and needed a break, I'm tired.

with hug&kisses,
Queen Bee-Atch, Zahwa Samodra Putri<3 (:

A Terrible Friday Night

I own the middle of a very cold night and this long. I can not imagine how not-lucky I am on this night. I never felt this at night the night before, but this is worse than usual. I'm confused. I can not stand anymore. can not stand to bear the pain more and more haunted. This pain was not a joke. I could no longer hold. I do not know what's going on with my body parts. and now my spine is painful when I lay down in bed. & Seriously, it's killing me! i can not even sleep now. can you imagine how much pain? First, I just felt tightness in my part of the lung, and now the pain is everywhere, I can't stand anymore. I need someone who really care about me. only 1 that I asked for tonight, I can sleep in peace, and tomorrow when I wake up, everything is back to normal again, and the pain is gone, and never appeared to haunt me again, amen

things you should know about me♥

okay, first. you must know about this, i really love music! music is my mood booster! like seriously,  its a part of my life. i would die if there's no music hahaha.  Music always accompanies me when I'm bored, sad, upset, or when I'm happy. and, most importantly, music also accompanied me when I felt very lonely. that's why i really love music. & type of music that i like most is jazz & pop. bcause when i listen to jazz music, i feel peaceful :)

second, you must know about this too, I REALLY HATE LIZARD eww it is the most disgusting animal, ever!when I saw the lizard, I would immediately goosebumps. & i hate a lizard with no tail on it, it's freakin' me out ewww

third, this is important! i love to play guitar! ha ha I was not adept at playing any musical instrument, but I just know how to play guitar. I liked  guitar since I was in grade 8. I was amazed by one of my friend. and since I was in grade 9 I started trying to play guitar, and continue to learn how to play it properly, until now! ha ha :D


fourth, i really love OMEGLE! ha ha when i'm bored i often play omegle. i can meet many people there! that's why i love to play omegle

And

fifth, i really loveee lovee lovee twitter! oh shit, i addicted to twitter!

  

"To live a teenage dream"

"That love is drug"

"To light it up like dynamite"

"That you'll only break my heart"

"To enjoy riding solo"

"To dream as being a billionaire"

"To not be afraid" 

"dear *peep*, i want to marry you, & i definitely catch a grenade for you, you don't have to be a billionaire, because  love you, just the way you are"

XOXO,
queen of bee-atch, Zahwa Smodra Putri /m/

This Friday Night♥

hey bloggers! i feel sucks tonight, feels lyk something is changing my mood. at first it was lyk this...:D than this...:( i felt terrible tonight. and now it's10.53 && still, i don't know what to do. feel so fvckin' bored -_- huh.

& lo harus tau ya! hemm.....ga harus tau deng. okeya gue baru sadar kalo sekarang gue sering banget ngomong "lo harus tau" dan gue baru sadar pas vieda bilang "hem..ga gue ga harus tau-_-"

oke back to the topic! tadi gue kan bosen parah ya, terus main kerumahnya seesha, terus pas gue nyampe beberapa menit kemudian.....jeng jeng....guess what? fira dateng! emang alien aneh banget tiba tiba dateng! HA HA. emang diundang ya fir? heeem just kidding:D oke abis itu kita dengerin lagu buatannya fira judulnya "LALELO" kalo gasalah. LO HARUS DENGER! seriously! cool enough kok fir, kreatif banget ini orang-_-

terus ya....gue sama seesha&fira bikin videojudulnya GINGY!!! (bener ga sih?.....ya kurang lebih gituya) terus kan abis itu gue sama seesha rekaman! wkwk actually bukan "rekaman" in a real meanings. rekaman iseng ya, cuma ngerekam suara, ngereka suara gitar, gabungin, terus di format ke bentuk lagu. udah. hehe tapi seru loh....berapa kali  nyoba2 & finally dapet beat yang pas! terus abis itu kita nonton glee! season2! hahaha terus abis itu kita nonton nonton nonton....then....adeknya fira ilang! wakakakak lo harus tau pas rido ilang, fira panik! wkwk cie sayang adek;;) *peaceyafir:D* haha terus kita nntn nntn nntn kan  thennnnnn adeknya fira ketemu:D yeay! terus gue diemput, pulang deh! i had so much fun today with kuhn:D thanks guys! :*
well....i must go now, see ya!

with hugs&kisses,
Zahwa Samodra Putri<3

JUST READ! ;)

i have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend
Until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other friends . To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend...
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days... Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...
Then one day came, my 19th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call I was disconned all my friends call just waiting for his call... But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted... "Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could he.... I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street... with another girl who was handing him a doll... He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll... I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell... Why did he gave these to me... Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it. Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he became a deaf and dumb person and ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted... But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!" HONK~!! "Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him... And after spending two months like a crazy person... I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..." That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..." It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~" I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??" I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~" It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I...love you... Why didn't I realize that....That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much.
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life....